I'm in Love. Part 1.

I never believed I'd end up alone.  I mean, dating is hard and totally sucks, but I figured I'd get married eventually.  Even so, I'm aware that I'm a weird person.

I always thought I'd have to give up an amount of my weirdness when I found someone I wanted to be with forever.  And I was okay with that!  After all, who could possibly keep up with me?  Who could enter the deep, incoherent recesses of my messed-up brain and come out to say something like, "Yeah, the way you personify inanimate objects and then laugh uncontrollably at them for no reason makes me think I want you to be the mother of my children."

If such a person did exist, I'd probably question their ability to function as a member of society. I figured I best keep my weirdness partially under wraps so as to appear attractive to those responsible men I deemed should fall in love with me.

Surprisingly, my strategy of hiding a part of myself for the purpose of establishing a connection with another human being failed.

These repeated failures sent me on a self-esteem adventure! (I got depressed.)

The last few posts on this blog are from this era, and I don't want to get into it, so, yeah.

The important part is that I found what I needed to do and emerged from the cocoon of blankets I wrapped myself in during Netflix-and-ice-cream binges ready to be happy and single for as long as necessary.

My mind was in a significantly healthier state, but I still didn't think I'd find a guy as weird as me.  I wasn't sure I wanted a guy as weird as ME.

"Challenge accepted," said the universe.

This is Ethan.  (He actually has a beard, and it's super hot, but I don't put forth that much effort in these drawings.)

Weirdness isn't his only quality.  After my terrible co-dependent relationship ended, I realized what I needed in a partner to have an actual healthy relationship.  And Ethan is all of that for me.  I didn't know how perfectly awesome he was when we first met.  It wasn't like this happened:

...

But not instantly!  Really!  Our first date was meh.  I was particularly NOT excited when he asked me out.

In The Fault in Our Stars, John Green writes that Hazel Grace fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly, and then all at once.

I don't fall in love like that.  I fall in love the way you get a cold.

And then you're in denial about it.  Haha, as if you have a choice.

Then you panic because you feel it coming on.  You know you're not sick yet, but you also know there's nothing you can do about it.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment I realized I loved him.  There was just a period of time where I knew I was on my way there.  I knew it was happening, I just didn't know how fast I was headed toward it.

My Brain Has Good Ideas.

How to Christmas.

No eating.  No sleeping.  Very little bathing.  I love Christmas!

CHARITY, ALLISON.

For a class this semester, we had to do a project.  I decided to do my project on charity.  This project required a "product".  I decided to have this post be that (I made this decision while making a powerpoint and realizing that I wished it was a blog post).  (I was making that powerpoint because the paintings I did are not dry yet)

They'll never be dry.  Never.

Okay, here we go.

The Beginning.

This actually happened in the middle of the project, but it was such a wake-up call.

Also, it makes a really good beginning.

I had a mental breakdown in a hallway on campus.  This semester has been the hardest yet.  My average happiness is lower than ever.  However, my happy moments are more happy than ever.  That's the price of epiphany, I guess.

So I'm crying in this hallway and along comes my favorite art teacher.  And his service dog.  His dog that the government says he can bring everywhere because of his anxiety issues.

We talked a little about what was happening and my own anxiety issues.

A few minutes after he had to leave it started up again.

And someone else came by.  This time, a random stranger.  We talked a while, but before he left, he told me to do something.

I don't think I helped anyone that day, but that stuck in my brain and influenced the things I did to help people later in the project.  I can't even remember that guy's name (It starts with a C or K... I think...) and I'll probably remember what he said for a long time.

The Charity Alarm.

When I started this project, I didn't want to try anything too huge.  I decided that I would simply take EVERY opportunity to have charity that I came across.  I made sure to constantly remind myself of what I was trying to do and plenty of opportunities came up.

This is my natural reaction.  AS LITTLE HUMAN INTERACTION AS POSSIBLE.  Lucky for me, the reminders worked in creating what I call my charity alarm.

And that's how I got to be on the bone marrow donation registry.
deletebloodcancer.org

Now it's become almost second nature for me to skip the part where people bug me.

Why all the excitement?  I found that when I try to focus more on other people, it's easier for me to help myself.

Normally, just about all my free time is spent idly.  And that just makes me hate myself.

When I do all the things that come up to help others, I'm already in a do-things mood.

And when I get things done, then I never have to worry that I don't have enough time to help someone.

The End.

Now go help someone today.

Part that doesn't really fit anywhere, but I think is important.

I listened to a TED Talk only a few days ago about how vulnerability is the key to connecting with people.  I think we all instinctively know this, but hearing that made me realize how true it is.  I was so afraid to start this blog.  I have a tinge of fear every time I publish a new post.  But I do it anyway.  I used to be afraid whenever I told someone I was an art major.  Now I can talk excitedly about all the mistakes I'm making that are teaching me new things.  I think it's why I stayed in that hallway when I could have hidden in a bathroom.  And now I'm sure it's why people help each other.  I help someone because I realize that I need help.  Not like a quid pro quo thing, but just because we need to be connected to people.

Why I don't post often this semester.

This is your brain:

This is your brain on stress:

The Twitters!

I'm now on the Twitters!  I don't really know how to use it, but I like getting tweets from people I think are cool!  So if you think I'm cool, you could follow me!  Or you could follow the things I follow!  Or something...

@AllieDerp

Holy! Life is good right now!

Sorry 'bout the long wait, guys.  School started.  And stuff happened.  Lots of stuff.

Stuff #1

Will this change the way I draw on this blog?

Stuff #2

Karate is really hard, guys.  It's one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.  I think I will keep learning more karate forever.

Stuff #3

Yeeeeah... I may have injured myself the same way...

Stuff #4

Suddenly I'm a knowledgeable citizen.
And I need to prove my address so I can get a city library card and read John Green's books.
ALL OF THEM.

I'm going to get a Twitter right now just so I can follow Hank and John Green.