Sunday, November 30, 2014

In ten years, he won't be the man I fell in love with.

In 19 days, my marriage will begin.  I've got some expectations.

#1 I don't think the purpose of my marriage is to make me happy.

People are not bundles of goods and services to be measured with cost/benefit analyses.  If I was getting married because he makes me happy then I would divorce him when he stops making me happy. (Spoiler alert: People don't make me happy).  I think marriage commitment makes us better people if we let it, and I want to take that seriously.

What if the purpose of marriage is strengthen humanity?  To realize that I can be part of something bigger and more important than myself, my fleeting feelings, and my desires?

#2 I don't think my marriage is going to be easy.

Entering into a commitment that forces you to become better than you are doesn't sound easy, but it sounds like something I want.  I'm not signing up for a cohabiter until I find someone better.  Until he gets fat.  Until we can't pay the bills.  Until our sex life isn't exciting.  Until a million other things.  I'm signing up, in the temple of my Father, to be his wife and companion for time and all eternity.

I saw one of those dumb inspirational quotes on the internet that said something like, "If you truly love someone, it's easy to stay faithful."  This makes no sense to me.  If this is true, then does that mean the moment it isn't easy, I have to start questioning whether I truly love him?  I do truly love him, so in those moments when it isn't easy, I'm going to stay anyway.  None of those moments have happened to me yet, and I don't know what's going to happen.  But I know what I'm going to choose because I'm choosing it right now.

#3 Years from now, I don't think he'll be the same man I fell in love with.

There's this idea out there of basically a consumer marriage.  Every five to seven years, the marriage is evaluated and the partners decide if they want to renew the marriage contract or discontinue it with little to no consequences.  Sometimes I see people explain their divorces in very nonchalant terms. "We just grew apart."  "It's nobody's fault."  "We want different things now."  If I divorce my husband, there will be kicking and screaming and crying on my part because I'm going into this all in.  I can't act so nonchalantly about things I give my whole self to.

#4 Keeping our marriage healthy is a major priority.

We plan and set goals together.  We understand numbers 1, 2, and 3 the best that we can right now. We know that there are going to be things we didn't expect about marriage.  And we're going to keep going and learning.


In case any of you were worried that I'm too focused on the possible bad things in the future.  Anyone who knows us knows that we're going to have exorbitant amounts of fun during this whole commitment thing.

Ethan is the most beautiful person I know.  I can share my whole self with him and I know he'll laugh with me and help me feel comfortable in my own skin.  We talk for hours.  We laugh at stupid jokes. We realize that comfortably cuddling is difficult sometimes and we just give up poke each other. Sometimes, I'm overwhelmed with how much I love him and I just have to jump up and down and squeal and OHMAHGOODNESS WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN 19 DAYS!